The Problem with Descendants, Part 2

Hi all! Here’s Part 2 of my “slightly unhinged” summary/commentary on the Descendants movies on Disney+.

As always, a spoiler alert is in effect from here on out.

Without further ado, here’s Part 2.

— We open with a dream evil dancing sequence. ... What?

— Mal has to use her spell book to fit in. That seems ... kinda on brand, actually

— Carlos and Jane’s romance is so cutely awkward, and I CANNOT get over it. I like them better than Ben and Mal, tbh

— Chad is still stupid. Big surprise

— Ah, Mal. Your little ruse is going to backfire, and it’s going to be bad

— So it’s fencing instead of tourney now? Sure. Why not? I mean, who cares about keeping continuity, right? And Lonnie wins, but can’t be on the team because of ... sexist Chad. And also, Jay decides to follow the rules. That’s ... kinda new? I mean, in the last film, he was starting to, but it wasn’t this blatant

— Poor Carlos. He has no idea how to ask Jane, and it’s the sweetest, most heartbreaking thing ever

— Chad is ... still terrible. Also creepy. Mal is overwhelmed and on the verge of a mental breakdown. Oh, and Dude (the dog) can talk now

— Mal has a rival named Uma, the daughter of Ursula. She’s got some sort of romance going on with Harry, the ... slightly crazy son of Hook. And then there’s Gaston’s son (whose name I don’t remember), who’s ... pretty stupid. Not stupid annoying like Chad, though. She wants to take over Auradon to get back at Mal for not letting her into her crew

— And ... Ben’s still boring. And this romance is about as interesting as bread. I’m more invested in the other two

— Mal has her breakdown following their argument, and ... yeah, this is the only time I’m invested in this whole thing. Seriously. Ben just ... doesn’t show emotion. It’s ... bad. And it just doesn’t work

— And now she goes back to the Isle of the Lost, equipped with her magic book. So ... why is she the only one getting a character arc in this thing?

— And now Evie and the crew are coming back to get her. Because they’re her friends (or love, in Ben’s case), and they want to support her. Also, Evie hates the Isle and doesn’t want to get stuck there — she truly enjoys her new life

— Mal has a new hairdo! And we meet Dizzy, who’s the daughter of ... one of the stepsisters. She’s so cute and fun — and a hairdresser

— Harry is ... still creepy. And still crazy

— The scene with the little kids and Evie is ... actually heartwarming. Evie’s definitely the heart of the crew, in addition to being Mal’s lancer. I kinda like her better than Mal

— Ben has no idea how to act, so of course they’re gonna sing a song about it. It’s ... okay, I guess. But ... y’all know Ben’s not gonna get this right? He’s Mr. Perfect — he can’t be something he’s not, even for Mal

— They run into ... I don’t remember his name, but he’s Gaston’s son. And of course, Ben’s acting immediately breaks, because one song is not gonna change who he is. Also, Carlos is definitely having the most fun during the dancing scenes

— Okay, I actually feel something when Ben is trying to get Mal to come back. He’s being his usual sweet, gentlemanly self, and she’s wracked with self-guilt because she can’t be like other princesses. To her, she has to stay on the Isle — she’ll only mess things up if she returns

— Ben gets nabbed (we all saw that coming), Harry still creeps me out, and Mal goes it alone cause she was told to. Mal ... you really need your friends. Seriously. It’ll help a lot

— Uma wants the magic wand. Dun dun duhn

— The four are gonna get Ben out (together, now, because somehow during the break Mal recognized that she needed them)

— Really, Chad?!! An action figure?? You are a complete idiot! And you care more about getting the crown yourself than you do about Ben

— Mal and Evie have their little heart-to-heart, of course through song. Mal’s not going back, and Evie’s willing to accept that, because they’ll still be friends no matter what

— And now Lonnie’s tagging along with Jay and Carlos. Something something distinguishing herself, I think. She’s not annoying, though, so I’m not mad

— Uma refuses to go with Ben, cause she wants to go on her own. Sorry, Ben. Not every Isle kid is like Mal

— Hmm ... the inevitable sword fight showdown after their plan doesn’t work. It’s ... pretty well shot. Even if I’m pretty sure some of those moves are completely bogus

— They escape, and the four have a family conversation thanks to Carlos. He’s ... wow. He really is the smart guy, in more ways than one

— Aww, Jay really does get it! He’ll drive her back if she needs it

— Jay makes Lonnie the team captain! Malicious compliance for the win!

— Carlos asks Jane out!! AHHHH! They’re. So. Cute!

— Ohhkay. So ... Uma is apparently Ben’s new girlfriend.

— The stained glass for Mal is ... so good. So ... yeah. Ben really does understand her. And she tells him that, that she loves him ... and kisses him. Yup

— Okay ... this CGI fight between Dragon Mal and Octopus Uma is ... kinda stupid. And Ben roaring is the stupid cherry on top of the stupid cake

— So. Ben gets Uma to leave by convincing her that she’s actually a good person. Who knew that would work this time?

Oh, wait. That’s the formula. Fail twice, succeed the third time. Not surprising at all!

— Dress transformation time! And Ben’s getting a list of kids to bring to Auradon thanks to Evie. I knew I liked her

— This ending dance sequence ... is less cringy. Still cringe, but less so

That’s all for Part 2! Thank you to everyone who made it this far — I’m not sure if this part is more or less unhinged than the last one.

If you want to know more about who I am and what I write, you can visit my website at kirstenhardin.com. There’ll also be a place to subscribe at the bottom of the post.

See you next week for Part 3!

Your fairytale enthusiast,

Kirsten Hardin